if forever existed

have heard of this a million times
that there is there someone your & mine

down these roads of mindsets and thoughts
we're counting on things that we were taught

we fight for a constant, but in vain
inevitable is the change they say

you hold my hand as I catch my breath
untangling emotions alive and dead

the crossroads lead us to different walks
yet there's something that sustains the talks

maybe the future is benign
maybe we are just waiting for a sign

But..........................................

if forever existed....
the face of reality would have altered

 if forever existed
our words wouldn't have faltered

if forever existed....
the heartbreaker would be jobless

if forever existed...
emotions would afloat fearless

if forever existed....
there would be no sad endings

if forever existed...
there would be no pretendings...

-M.e.D

Sabbatical

I gave up on writing long back. It's like I no longer have the courage or the passion for writing like I once had. Today I feel disinterested and too lazy to write. I feel like my writing is repetitive and therefore I have kind of given up on this "once upon a time " my favourite hobby. Having said that,, here I am writing again, not because my mind has changed but now I write because a friend of mine insists on me to write. She tells me, no matter what, never stop writing. She says,  "Just write, I don't care what you write about, write anything but I want you to write everyday. Write everything and anything that comes to your mind. Write about your fears, your joy, your childhood and your adventures into adulthood. Write all that you had dreamt of, write everything you accomplished till date. Write why you failed and write what you learnt from that. Write about US...write ...write ...write....".

So I finally said - "Yes I'll write but the only reason I'll write is You !"



~M.e.D

kuch saal baad....

पूछते है अपनी आँखों को  बंद कर खुदसे
किया ये  क्या तुमने, आप अपने संघ,

जो रंग सारे उड़ गए है,कटे हुए है पंख ?

कापती है आवाज़ ,क्या कहूंगी किसी से

 जहाँ पर ख्वाब बस्ते थे ,

वहाँ  अब राख फैली है 

एक दो दाग नहीं,

पूरी चूनर ही मैली है  

दिल टूटा तो था पर उस बात को बीते अरसा हुआ

लेकिन आज भी जीवन में सन्नाटा पसरा हुआ 

अजीब कश्मकश सी ,आज भी हैरान है ज़िन्दगी

खुदसे थक चुकी,सबसे परेशान है ये ज़िन्दगी 

ज़िन्दगी को खुलके जी पाना ,ये तक़दीर होती है 

कुछ लोगो की ज़िन्दगी की वीरान तस्वीर होती है 

 ....... 

नहीं जाना है लौटके उस वक़्त में पीछे

और न अपने आप को फिरसे गिराना है

मैं ज़िंदा हूँ, मेरी ज़िन्दगी को मुस्कुराना है

जो हो चुका  कल में ,वो मेरा गुज़रा ज़माना है  ॥ 


~ M.e.D 

JOMO Syndrome

The other day I read an article in a leading English daily about the Joy Of Missing Out (JOMO) and it made a lot of sense to me. The joy of being away from the sham and chaotic world of social networking which has now become a source of headaches, a source of depression for many. The joy of cutting yourself away from all the unnecessary clutter of information about people you do not have an iota of interest in. I often give up on my social networks just to spent time with the people who matter to me and with the silence of my surroundings and trust me ,it increases my self-confidence and my happiness quotient by many folds. You experience peace inside-out.

Talking to people about almost nothing, wasting hours on the internet liking pictures and posts . Probably wasting all the time you should spend calling friends , reading a book or just pampering yourself. What has social networking done to us. Fine, it has kept us connected but do you realize at what cost ? There is no private life left, people take pride in updating absolute non sense statuses and check-ins on FB as if I care where you are and what you are doing..

Blocking people you dislike,unfriending people after fights, stalking your exes...all this has made life so insane that we have forgotten all that is important. Talking about your love for your family on FB , talking about your patriotism on FB...what good does that do ? Please people, stop all this...value your time on earth and do something creative, fun and for your own betterment if not of the society...For heavens sake stop serving hatred, jealousy and depression in the name of sharing.....  People are so easily available to each other through these sites that the element of surprise on meeting after years has vanished in thin air... people pose in pictures just to post on these sites..and people forget to enjoy the moment because they are too busy clicking selfies............ stop all this...now before it is too late...now before you lose all of it.........save it while you can..

Switch off..tune out and Breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Take care

M.e.D

Ye kaha aa gaye hum

aate jaate,
jaakar aate
rukte tehrte,
tehr k phir chalte
kharachte kamate,
kamaake gawaate
rulate hasate,
aansu chupaate
jalaate bujhate,
bujhakar jalaate
satate satate,
rootte manate
banate mitate
mitake banate
ye rishte, ye naate
yu rasame nibhaate
yu uljhan suljhaate
yu jeena sikhate

khud hi ko khoke
kuch yaadein sajoke
ye kaha aa gaye hum
yunhi saath chalte-chalte..........................

~ M.e.D

Jaaye toh jaaye kaha ....

Sochti thi dosti har mushkil ka hal hai
Sochti thi dosti mein hi mera aaj,mera kal hai
Shayad iss dosti mein kuch kami rahi hai
Hoon aaj bhi yaha par dost nahi hai
थे  dost ye kaise jo kabhi haal na pooche
Har kisi ke yaha mijaaz थे  ooche

Facebook ki dosti hume bhaayi nahi
Whatsapp ke dosti raas aayi nahi
Jo apne थे sab paraye lagte hai
Jo paraye थे se apne hone ka dikhawa karte hai
Ye social networking dooriyan kam karne k liye thi na...
Phir dooriyan बढ़ kyu gayi jeevan mein ?
Sab online toh hai, par kisi ke paas kisi ke liye waqt nahi hai....

Kisi Dushman ki baddua kahu
Ya Dosti ka sila...
Log badh gaye, main tham si gayi hu
Waqt beh raha hai  main jam si gayi hoon
Na dost hai yaha pe, Na koi pyar hai
Meri har jeet mein chupi kahi meri hi haar hai

Ab samjha hai jaake maine zindagi ko kareeb se
Iske छल  ko......
Main akeli thi, akeli hu aur akeli rahungi
Ek bhram tha jo टूट  gaya
Ek accha waqt jo peeche छूट gaya
Thaga sa mehsoos kar rahi hu
Andar andar गल  rahi hu
Nahi ab mann nahi lagta yaha
Lekin sawaal toh wahi hai aaj bhi..
....... Jaaye toh jaaye kaha ?


~ M.e.D

Chup rahe..........

Tumko pukara maine
Tum chup rahe...
Mud mudke dekha maine
Tum chup rahe..
Paas bulaya maine
Tum chup rahe...

Haath badhaya maine ,

Tum chup rahe...
Har raaz bataya maine
Tum chup rahe...

Baaton bebaaton mein

Din mein aur raaton mein

Tumko maanga maine 

Tum chup rahe...

Rokar, haskar

Tootkar, bhikarkar

Tumko hi chaaha maine 

Tum chup rahe

Jab dard dikhaya 

Tum chup rahe.......

Haarkar haath chudaaya
Tum chup rahe......
Hak jataya maine
Tum chup rahe.....

Aah badhti rahi

Chaah ghatti rahi

Khwaab saare lut gaye 

Ehsaas saare mit gaye

Par Tum chup rahe.......

Zindagi reth si phisal gayi
Ummeed saari shaamsi dhal gayi
Tum chup rahe.....

Tum chup rahe.....

Bas chup rahe.....

~ M.e.D

CLEAR SKIES:

 I see her standing in the crowd,

Trying to be strong, longing for no one   

Her eyes are green etched with sadness

She did not want to be like the rest

But in the end she blended not for her best.

Looking at the mirror, she sees someone else

She ponders and wonders,

What joy it would be to be someone else

I see the beauty shining from her soul,

To me she is flawless,

For herself she wants wonders

To the world-she is lost.

I wonder if she can see,

The reflections of her eyes,

Without any disguise it will show

What is already in her life!

The harder that she tried

The uglier the world became.

Looking at herself

With no strength left to gained

She childishly decided,

To let life pass her by

Yet, i see her trying,

With no help in her life

Though the road may be far,

With promises to keep

She stands tall against the wind.

To my delight,

At the end of the journey

I finally see her again,

This time she was herself,

Without a doubt

She did not even have to try’

This time around

I saw her for who she really can be

All alone but strong,

Her eyes are blue like the sky

In the end;

She did stand out among the crowd!

 ~ Lari Katie  

Note -This poem was written by a friend based on her observation of me.

Alvida...

इन एहसासों को अब मिट जाना होगा
क्योंकि यह मेरी रूह को कचोटते हैं
दर्द बढ़ता ही रहेगा गर इसे खुदसे अलग नही किया तो
हाँ नासमझ थी  जो वक़्त के बदलने का। .
दिल के संभलने का इंतज़ार करती रही मैं
तुम नहीं बदले पर मैं बदल गयी हूँ.
तुम्हे पाने की खातिर खुदको नहीं खोना मुझे
बहुत बेहिस थे तुम पर अब और रुस्वा होना नही मुझे.

Ae zindagi gale laga le

ऐ ज़िन्दगी यूं तो मुझे तुझसे कोई गिला नहीं  है
फिर भी तू मुझसे इतनी खफा खफा क्यों है

हर एक दिन गुज़रता है एक सदी की तरह
एहसास बह रहे है मन में नदी की तरह

कही डूब ना जाए हम संभलते संभलते
पाँव थक रहे है अब चलते चलते

यह किस वीराने में ला खड़ी है ज़िन्दगी
क्यों इतनी रूठी रूठी, खफा है ज़िन्दगी

खुशियाँ ले रही उबासियां जबसे
दस्तक दे रही उदासियाँ तबसे

घाव भर नहीं रहे,गहरा गए है
वो आने का कहके चौखट पे हमको ठहरा गए है

जाने किस फ़िराक में गमज़दा है ज़िन्दगी
एक अरसा बीता, फिर भी। …
न जाएं क्यों आज  भी हमसे खफा है ज़िन्दगी

~ सौम्या

एहसास

मेरा  तुम  में बढ़ता अविश्वास मुझे इस मोड़ पर ले आया 

की मुझे खुद से ही घृणा होना लगी है 

मैं तुम्हारे अस्तित्व को  प्रश्न का विषय बना दिया 

और आज मेरा अस्तित्व ही मिटने की कगार पे आ खड़ा है 

 तुम्हे खोकर जाना की तुम्हारे होने का  मतलब क्या था 

मैं भटक भटक कर थक गयी हूँ 

मैं अकेले रास्तों पे चल चलके  थक गयी हूँ 

मेरा मन उदास है 

मेरा चित्त परेशान 

मैंने जितना तेरी बसाई दुनिया को जाना   , 

मैं खुद को इसके प्रतिकूल पाया 

मैं और भटकना नहीं चाहती 

मेरा जी घबराने लगा है 

मुझे पछतावा अंदर- अंदर खाने लगा है 

मैं दर से भटककर दूर चली आई हूँ 

मुझे वापस बुला लो 

मैं डूब जाउंगी आंसुओं  की  धार में 

खो गयी हूँ मैं मोह माया से लिप्त संसार में 

मुझे तुम्हारी आस है 

एक तुम हो जिसे पाकर यह व्यथा शांत हो पायेगी 

एक तुम ही जिसके साथ से  ये ज़िन्दगी काट पाऊँगी 

मैं जीने की कोई चाह नहीं रखती 

बस तुमसे कहना चाहती हूँ मैं शर्मिंदा हूँ 

हो सके  मुझे माफ़ कर देना


~ सौम्या 

छोड़ दिया ...

हर रोज़ मरते थे उसकी खातिर 

अब औरो पर लुटना -लुटाना छोड़ दिया 

हर बात में ज़िक्र उसी का था 

लेकन अब बातें  बनाना छोड़ दिया 

हर पल उम्मीद थी उसके आने की 

अब दिल को बहलाना छोड़ दिया 

सपनो में एक ही सूरत थी 

अब पलके झपकाना छोड़ दिया

मिलने की सिर्फ उसी से चाहत थी 

अब कही आना-जाना छोड़ दिया 

शक से देखा था सबने हमको 

अब सबको  समझाना छोड़ दिया

बहती थी आँखों से अविरल ही बूंदे 

अब रोना-रुलाना छोड़ दिया ॥ 

~ सौम्या 

Waada...

जब अपनी ही बातें दोहराने लगो
जब  सन्नाटो से घबराने लगो
जब दिल की उदासी का कोई हल न हो
जब बेचैनी से भरा हर पल हो

जब साथ देने वाला कोई न हो
जब बात सुनने वाला कोई न हो
जब दोस्त सब साथ छोड़ जाए
जब हर रिश्ता ठगता नज़र आये

जब शर्मिंदगी दम घोटने लगे
जब पछतावा कचोटने लगे
जब एहसास ज़िंदा हो जाये
जब पत्थर ये पिघल  जाये ... तब

तब... हाँ तब ....  "मैं " याद आउंगी
पर जो वादा किया था,
मरते  दम तक निभाऊंगी,
अब लौट के फ़िर तेरी चौखट  ना आउंगी ॥

~ सौम्या

Akhri mulaqat

मेरे मौत के तमाशे में तुम शामिल होने आ जाना
मेरे उठते जनाज़े को  कन्धा देने आ जाना
मेरे  खून-ए-दिल से उठते उस दर्द के धुँए से
तुम रूह अपनी तपा जाना
जीते जी तो कभी न आये , मैय्यत पे ज़रूर आ जाना
झूठे ही सही चंद बूँद आँसू गिरा जाना
हमारी आख़री मुलाक़ात को मुक़म्मल बना जाना  |

- सौम्या 

Plastic Smiles

As a child something we repeatedly get to hear from our elders is 'kab badi hogi?'( grow up.).... as if being a child is the real issue and growing up is the solution to all the problems of life. But now that I am a grown up woman, I realize Growing Up is the root of all problems and despair in our lives.

Every single day a new revelation...a new understanding...I fail to realize if the truth was actually so obscured or was I simply blind to it...?? I am all grown up now and I hate every single minute of it...gROWING uP sUCKS..........

I hate to see the true colours of people. I hate to understand the undercurrent sarcasm in their tones...their affected mannerisms....... all so sham ... so unreal

I am currently busy attending a friend's wedding (the biggest celebration in an Indian household). From morning to noon I see people faking smiles...the bride faking it in front of aunties whom she doesn't really give a damn about, aunties wearing fake smiles are showering blessings on the couple and in the background busy being their best critic about the bride, the groom , the arrangements etc ..etc....The bride's mother as she attends the guest with a smile on her face is busy swearing under her breath...all the work load, stress...

The guy who happens to be the groom is trying to showcase himself as a good sanskari type boy......... 

EVERY face I see has a HUGE  (extending from ear to ear kind of ) smile on his/her face ....but all made of plastic.

Majboori ka naam Mahatma Gandhi

Today was a day of hour long discussions and after an hour long chat on my love for my hometown and my dislike for Mumbai I ended up discussing something more important, something more deep which was - Majboori Vs Adjustment. The person I was talking to is a person I deeply respect and feel intimidated by at the same time. 

I was adamantly discussing about Majbooriyan i.e  Compulsion which literally means an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes. I believe a lot of the things we do in life are nothing more than majboori, like it or not you gotta do it as there is no other way out.  I do a lot of things , for the sake of doing them.... I call it adjustment but this person told me, no there is a huge difference between adjustment and majboori. Majboori he says is something you are doing with a negative approach towards it and you desperately wait for it to conclude and do away with it while when you  adjust you change yourself, you alter your needs depending on the avilability and atmosphere and then mould yourself accordingly with a hope and urge for the things to get better.

Google defines adjustment as a small alteration or movement made to achieve a desired fit, appearance, or result. He said, Adjustment is more about patience and positivity while Majboori is about impatience and negativity.

 I was surprised to listen to his words. Such simple words yet so meaningful. His words have left a great impact on my personal approach towards life. All along I thought I was good at adjusting to situations and that I have been adjusting to things all the time but  Noooooooooooooooooooooo....... 

I have always considered things and situations a majboori , DESPERATELY waiting to get rid of them.... however, adjustment tells you to accept things and work towards their improvement. 

Life after all is all about adjustments and learning how to adjust.

I have come to conclude that it's your approach towards things that defines whether the task becomes a majboori for you or an adjustment for the greater good. 

.Aah.... so little did I know about Life......

- M.e.D

Uff..... ( On the lighter side of life )

No I cannot say if it was LOVE.

But a Smile lingered on my lips every single time I envisaged his face.

I could feel the heat each time he drew closer.

A plain Hey or Good Night from him would keep me up all night

I would spent days waiting for him in excitement

His compliments made feel demure and beautiful

His gaze, his voice, they made my stomach lurch

No I cannot say if it was LOVE

But I have prayed for him every night

His joy made me joyful

His sadness, killed me

His success I desired 

His every gesture I admired

No I cannot say if it was LOVE

But he made me want to look better

I did weird things to catch  his attention

His worries gave me tension 

Our fights left me in in tears

Fantasies,Wishes, Prayers

I wanted him so so bad
The fact we're no longer together still makes me sad.

No I cannot say if it was LOVE...... ;)

-Saumya

Jeevan ke iss mod par.

जीवन के इस मोड़ पर आकर ,मेरा कल मुझसे पूछ पड़ा 

क्या करते करते तुमने मुझे यूँ बर्बाद कर दिया ?

मैं हँस कर बोली- क्या हुआ तुम्हे? तुम्हारा ज़मीर क्यों जाग उठा ?

वो बोला- नही ज़मीर तो जगा ही था मेरा , मैं तो बस  चुपचाप देख रहा था तुम्हे।।

देख रहा की तुम्हारे सब्र की था क्या है ? 

देख रहा था की सिले होटो के बीच जुबां कहा  है ?

मैं सोच रहा था की तुम होश में खुद आ जाओगी, 

अपनी उजाड़ी ज़िन्दगी फिरसे सजाओगी 

मैं फिर हँस पड़ी.…… कल थोड़ा झेपा 

वो बोला-

अरे तुम्हे कोई एहसास-इ-जुर्म नहीं होता ?

तुम मेरी गुनेहगार हो , शर्म नहीं आती  ?

इतनी बे हिस कैसे हो गयी तुम…??
तुम तो ऐसी हो नहीं … तुम्हे तो बात-बेबात तकलीफ़ दे ही जाती है। 

मैं बोली- 

सुन ………तू मत रो… तू तो गुज़र गया है

मेरा आज भी मुझसे ख़फ़ा  है और मेरा आनेवाला कल भी शिकायत लिए खड़ा है 

मैंने कोशिश की ,नकायाबी ने मुँह के बल गिरा दिया 

मेरी वफ़ा का सबने बेवफाई करके सिला दिया.. 

मेरे  तो कल-आज-कल तीनो शिकायतों में सिमट गए 

मैंने इतने गुनाह किये है की अब सारे एहसास मिट गए। 

कल बोला- 

तुम बदली तो ज़रूर पर अपने लिए कुछ कर नहीं पायी 

तुम लड़ी तो ज़रूर पर कुछ जीत नहीं पायी।

तुमने बेफुज़ूल बातों को मुद्दा बना लिया 

अपने कल-आज-कल को तुमने खुद ही जला  लिया।।।।

- सौम्या 

Where did I go WRONG ?

I have wasted a thousand wishes on shooting stars , 

I have seen the skies turn murky

I have heard the whispers of the forgotten truth

Have survived the guilt trip route

I am lost , I am found

 Deep, deeper deepest of emotions I have felt

Perhaps misguided mislead

I have seen the future unfold in the most mystical way

Fallen from lowly peaks

and Drowned into waters too shallow

Retarded by the glimpse of happiness

Lost in woods too dark

Carrying hackneyed demeanor

Climbing on trains with unknown destinations

How Negligent of sufferings have I been

How very denying of the truth

Pushing the doors that clearly read Pull

Trying to fill minds that were already Full

Besought love and Unrequited belief

Frozen in time

Lost for words

Pretending to be unmoved

Living with conjectures unproved

Bye goodbye to the old me

You turned me into someone I never thought I could be.

~ Saumya

O re manwa tu toh bawra hai...

Soch ke pardo ke beech se jhaakti hui wo kaduwi yaadein
Kuch udaas mann, kuch gumrah raahein
Kise paane ki khwaish liye re mann tu bhatakta raha
wo jo tera kabhi tha bhi nhi, uski khatir tu din raat tadapta rha

Aaj badhawaas sa, neer ke daldal mein dhasaa sa
tu kaha aa gya dekh ek udte baadal ka peecha karte karte
Tere peer ka kaaran tu hi toh hai, dawa phir kyu maangta hai
Tu itna toh bhola nhi, re mann tu sab toh jaanta hai

Ek andheke anjaan chehre ki khaatir
jo ban gaya hai kaafir
Tu uski talaash mein din raat bas lut ta rha
Tu har roz bewajah tootta- bikharta rha

Nhi wo nhi, re mann tu hi hai gunaehgaar
Tu jaankar galtiyaan dohraata rha
Har saans mein usi ko bulaata rha
Ek insaan ko khuda bana diya


Parwat ke uss paar suraj ki kirne hongi, iss ore bas andhera hai
Kuch iss tarah behosh hoon, ki anjaan sa sawera hai
main band kar rhi wo darwaaze jinme daraare thi
ab inn darraro ko bhar doongi, jhaak ke teri or ab waapas na dekhungi

Teri bala ki meherbaaniyon ne
 mujhe khoob azmaaya
Hasaana toh yaad nhi 
par haan bahut rulaaaya..

~Saumya