Akhri mulaqat

मेरे मौत के तमाशे में तुम शामिल होने आ जाना
मेरे उठते जनाज़े को  कन्धा देने आ जाना
मेरे  खून-ए-दिल से उठते उस दर्द के धुँए से
तुम रूह अपनी तपा जाना
जीते जी तो कभी न आये , मैय्यत पे ज़रूर आ जाना
झूठे ही सही चंद बूँद आँसू गिरा जाना
हमारी आख़री मुलाक़ात को मुक़म्मल बना जाना  |

- सौम्या 

Plastic Smiles

As a child something we repeatedly get to hear from our elders is 'kab badi hogi?'( grow up.).... as if being a child is the real issue and growing up is the solution to all the problems of life. But now that I am a grown up woman, I realize Growing Up is the root of all problems and despair in our lives.

Every single day a new revelation...a new understanding...I fail to realize if the truth was actually so obscured or was I simply blind to it...?? I am all grown up now and I hate every single minute of it...gROWING uP sUCKS..........

I hate to see the true colours of people. I hate to understand the undercurrent sarcasm in their tones...their affected mannerisms....... all so sham ... so unreal

I am currently busy attending a friend's wedding (the biggest celebration in an Indian household). From morning to noon I see people faking smiles...the bride faking it in front of aunties whom she doesn't really give a damn about, aunties wearing fake smiles are showering blessings on the couple and in the background busy being their best critic about the bride, the groom , the arrangements etc ..etc....The bride's mother as she attends the guest with a smile on her face is busy swearing under her breath...all the work load, stress...

The guy who happens to be the groom is trying to showcase himself as a good sanskari type boy......... 

EVERY face I see has a HUGE  (extending from ear to ear kind of ) smile on his/her face ....but all made of plastic.

Majboori ka naam Mahatma Gandhi

Today was a day of hour long discussions and after an hour long chat on my love for my hometown and my dislike for Mumbai I ended up discussing something more important, something more deep which was - Majboori Vs Adjustment. The person I was talking to is a person I deeply respect and feel intimidated by at the same time. 

I was adamantly discussing about Majbooriyan i.e  Compulsion which literally means an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes. I believe a lot of the things we do in life are nothing more than majboori, like it or not you gotta do it as there is no other way out.  I do a lot of things , for the sake of doing them.... I call it adjustment but this person told me, no there is a huge difference between adjustment and majboori. Majboori he says is something you are doing with a negative approach towards it and you desperately wait for it to conclude and do away with it while when you  adjust you change yourself, you alter your needs depending on the avilability and atmosphere and then mould yourself accordingly with a hope and urge for the things to get better.

Google defines adjustment as a small alteration or movement made to achieve a desired fit, appearance, or result. He said, Adjustment is more about patience and positivity while Majboori is about impatience and negativity.

 I was surprised to listen to his words. Such simple words yet so meaningful. His words have left a great impact on my personal approach towards life. All along I thought I was good at adjusting to situations and that I have been adjusting to things all the time but  Noooooooooooooooooooooo....... 

I have always considered things and situations a majboori , DESPERATELY waiting to get rid of them.... however, adjustment tells you to accept things and work towards their improvement. 

Life after all is all about adjustments and learning how to adjust.

I have come to conclude that it's your approach towards things that defines whether the task becomes a majboori for you or an adjustment for the greater good. 

.Aah.... so little did I know about Life......

- M.e.D

Uff..... ( On the lighter side of life )

No I cannot say if it was LOVE.

But a Smile lingered on my lips every single time I envisaged his face.

I could feel the heat each time he drew closer.

A plain Hey or Good Night from him would keep me up all night

I would spent days waiting for him in excitement

His compliments made feel demure and beautiful

His gaze, his voice, they made my stomach lurch

No I cannot say if it was LOVE

But I have prayed for him every night

His joy made me joyful

His sadness, killed me

His success I desired 

His every gesture I admired

No I cannot say if it was LOVE

But he made me want to look better

I did weird things to catch  his attention

His worries gave me tension 

Our fights left me in in tears

Fantasies,Wishes, Prayers

I wanted him so so bad
The fact we're no longer together still makes me sad.

No I cannot say if it was LOVE...... ;)

-Saumya

Jeevan ke iss mod par.

जीवन के इस मोड़ पर आकर ,मेरा कल मुझसे पूछ पड़ा 

क्या करते करते तुमने मुझे यूँ बर्बाद कर दिया ?

मैं हँस कर बोली- क्या हुआ तुम्हे? तुम्हारा ज़मीर क्यों जाग उठा ?

वो बोला- नही ज़मीर तो जगा ही था मेरा , मैं तो बस  चुपचाप देख रहा था तुम्हे।।

देख रहा की तुम्हारे सब्र की था क्या है ? 

देख रहा था की सिले होटो के बीच जुबां कहा  है ?

मैं सोच रहा था की तुम होश में खुद आ जाओगी, 

अपनी उजाड़ी ज़िन्दगी फिरसे सजाओगी 

मैं फिर हँस पड़ी.…… कल थोड़ा झेपा 

वो बोला-

अरे तुम्हे कोई एहसास-इ-जुर्म नहीं होता ?

तुम मेरी गुनेहगार हो , शर्म नहीं आती  ?

इतनी बे हिस कैसे हो गयी तुम…??
तुम तो ऐसी हो नहीं … तुम्हे तो बात-बेबात तकलीफ़ दे ही जाती है। 

मैं बोली- 

सुन ………तू मत रो… तू तो गुज़र गया है

मेरा आज भी मुझसे ख़फ़ा  है और मेरा आनेवाला कल भी शिकायत लिए खड़ा है 

मैंने कोशिश की ,नकायाबी ने मुँह के बल गिरा दिया 

मेरी वफ़ा का सबने बेवफाई करके सिला दिया.. 

मेरे  तो कल-आज-कल तीनो शिकायतों में सिमट गए 

मैंने इतने गुनाह किये है की अब सारे एहसास मिट गए। 

कल बोला- 

तुम बदली तो ज़रूर पर अपने लिए कुछ कर नहीं पायी 

तुम लड़ी तो ज़रूर पर कुछ जीत नहीं पायी।

तुमने बेफुज़ूल बातों को मुद्दा बना लिया 

अपने कल-आज-कल को तुमने खुद ही जला  लिया।।।।

- सौम्या 

Where did I go WRONG ?

I have wasted a thousand wishes on shooting stars , 

I have seen the skies turn murky

I have heard the whispers of the forgotten truth

Have survived the guilt trip route

I am lost , I am found

 Deep, deeper deepest of emotions I have felt

Perhaps misguided mislead

I have seen the future unfold in the most mystical way

Fallen from lowly peaks

and Drowned into waters too shallow

Retarded by the glimpse of happiness

Lost in woods too dark

Carrying hackneyed demeanor

Climbing on trains with unknown destinations

How Negligent of sufferings have I been

How very denying of the truth

Pushing the doors that clearly read Pull

Trying to fill minds that were already Full

Besought love and Unrequited belief

Frozen in time

Lost for words

Pretending to be unmoved

Living with conjectures unproved

Bye goodbye to the old me

You turned me into someone I never thought I could be.

~ Saumya

O re manwa tu toh bawra hai...

Soch ke pardo ke beech se jhaakti hui wo kaduwi yaadein
Kuch udaas mann, kuch gumrah raahein
Kise paane ki khwaish liye re mann tu bhatakta raha
wo jo tera kabhi tha bhi nhi, uski khatir tu din raat tadapta rha

Aaj badhawaas sa, neer ke daldal mein dhasaa sa
tu kaha aa gya dekh ek udte baadal ka peecha karte karte
Tere peer ka kaaran tu hi toh hai, dawa phir kyu maangta hai
Tu itna toh bhola nhi, re mann tu sab toh jaanta hai

Ek andheke anjaan chehre ki khaatir
jo ban gaya hai kaafir
Tu uski talaash mein din raat bas lut ta rha
Tu har roz bewajah tootta- bikharta rha

Nhi wo nhi, re mann tu hi hai gunaehgaar
Tu jaankar galtiyaan dohraata rha
Har saans mein usi ko bulaata rha
Ek insaan ko khuda bana diya


Parwat ke uss paar suraj ki kirne hongi, iss ore bas andhera hai
Kuch iss tarah behosh hoon, ki anjaan sa sawera hai
main band kar rhi wo darwaaze jinme daraare thi
ab inn darraro ko bhar doongi, jhaak ke teri or ab waapas na dekhungi

Teri bala ki meherbaaniyon ne
 mujhe khoob azmaaya
Hasaana toh yaad nhi 
par haan bahut rulaaaya..

~Saumya